Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She is in my trunk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
