How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
