ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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