I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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