Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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