Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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