my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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