I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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