Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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