We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
