'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
