how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
