in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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