sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
