Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
