I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
