I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How's work?
Spinning.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
