I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize