Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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