i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
