Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
