Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
