I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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