he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
