Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
