If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
