What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
