Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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