the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
