ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
