Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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