So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
