He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
this just has baby written all over it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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