Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
