Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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