I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
