im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have demons in me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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