This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
