just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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