I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
