I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
false alarm, still single
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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