Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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