Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
