He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
