What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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