i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
