absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
