God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
