woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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