He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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