You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
