GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize