I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
