I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize