I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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