You can't motorboat a personality
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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