i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
