i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
