Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
