Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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