So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
