Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
