I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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