yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
