he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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