So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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