I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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