i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
