Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i came on her dog
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
