Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Randomize
