dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
